This past Friday I headed up to Rochester, NY to audition for the Eastman School of Music. I was beyond nervous, even if I don't like to admit it. I didn't know what to expect, and I think the uncertainty of the whole situation was what really wracked my nerves. I knew I had to be at Eastman by 9 am for a convocation and a subsequent theory test. Now, I have never taken a formal class, so I was nervous for that also. Theory is essential to all musicians including singers, so it was fitting that we took that examination while at the audition. However, it made me very nervous. I also was just scared my voice wouldn't work or I would mess up. I just felt like everything was so competitive that one mistake would ruin any chance I had at getting accepted anywhere. I was freaking out. On top of all of those feeling that had already been brewing, on my final plane from Boston to Rochester, I checked my email, only to find a rejection from Juilliard. Now, I didn't even want to apply there, but my mom and boyfriend had pressured me. However, even though I didn't want to apply or go there, rejection still stung, and it definitely wavered my confidence.
The morning of my audition I woke up early to get prepared. I didn't yet know what time my audition was. They would let me know when I got there, but it is always best for singers to be awake hours before they have to sing. I put on my dress, which was black and to the knee. It was simple but appropriate. I pulled my hair back, and put on appropriate makeup. I knew I had to eat breakfast even though my stomach was in knots, so I tried to eat oatmeal. I left early with ample time to make it to Eastman, but the cab took me to the wrong place, so I was late. Great, I thought. I was worried they wouldn't even let me in by the time I got there. However, I had only just missed the beginning of the convocation.
The convocation was being given in one of the performance spaces at Eastman, Kilbourn Hall. It was beautiful and seated a good number of people. The man giving the welcome had been a student at Eastman and now worked in admissions there. He was very warm and welcoming, and he was quite funny, using humor to lighten the tense air to the room. He informed us that all undergraduate applicants had to take a theory examination at 9:30, but that it wouldn't be used to decide who was accepted, it would merely be a tool to see how much theory we knew and how much we needed to learn. So, the undergraduate applicants filed out the back of the auditorium to take the theory test.
I sat down to take the theory test, more nervous than ever. Then I heard a girl sitting next to me whispering that she had just been called back at Juilliard. Well, as much as I'd like to tell myself I didn't care... I did. It made me less and less confident. I was really starting to doubt myself. The theory exam was distributed, and I immediately looked through it. I was pleasantly surprised by the basic material being tested. It was all scales, intervals, key signatures, and chords. Of course there were some I'm sure I missed, but overall, I had a good feeling turning it in. I was feeling a little bit more comfortable.
After the theory test, I headed upstairs to get my schedule.
After looking at my schedule, I realized it was going to be a long day. My audition wasn't until 4:48, and there were plenty of things in between. The first thing on the list was a group meeting. At the group meeting, all of the voice and opera applicants met with the head of the voice department and another professor. They told us a lot about Eastman's program stressing longevity and sustainability of the singer. That really struck a chord with me since my personal teacher, Maggie, always stresses vocal health and the importance of building a long career. Everything about Eastman's program sounded amazing. There were ample scholarship opportunities for all students. They put on three operas a year. However, Eastman is one of the hardest music schools to be accepted into in the country. Over 600 applicants applied to the vocal program, and 80 were called back for live auditions, and from those 80, only 18-22 are chosen for to be admitted. It is very competitive.
After the group meeting, I had a group interview, which just designed to be an informal way of getting to know the applicants better. I was in a group with a cellist, and two singers. The interviewer asked us questions like: how has the college application process been? what do you do outside your instrument? how will you ultimately chose a school? was there a moment when you knew this was what you were meant to do? etc. The interview was perhaps the most relaxing part of the day, allowing me and my fellow applicants to just relax and talk. It lasted approximately 40 minutes.
After the interview was aural skills. That is when they test our sight reading skills. I was given a line of music and had to sight read it for a camera. I was then given another line of music, but i just sang the rhythm of the music. This test was also just used for informational purposes, and they said it did not affect who was admitted or not.
After aural skills, all I had to do was wait. So to pass the time, I was able to talk to some of the students who actually attended Eastman. I talked to one girl named Anica about her experience. She applied to about 7 colleges and was admitted to all of them, including Juilliard, but she chose Eastman, and I was curious why. She told me that Eastman was much more nurturing to its students and really cared about their development and health. Juilliard seemed far too rigid and would only let the singers sing, with no other means of education allowed. I also asked her about how it was for her to audition at Eastman. She told me that in the middle of her song, she messed up and asked to start over. The vocal faculty said no, but they said she could start from where she messed up. She left feeling awful and that she definitely would not be admitted. However, she was. That made me less nervous. She stressed to me that they weren't looking for finished products; they were looking for potential and performers.
Soon enough it came time for me to go to the green room where I waited for my turn to audition. We got to audition in Kilbourn Hall, which was beautiful and big, with good acoustics. As I walked up to audition I greeted the four members of the vocal faculty judging me, and tried to stay calm. I remember most of how my first song, "In Uomini, In Soldati" went. I know I stayed in character the whole time, but the judges looked at me like they were at a funeral, which I know they are supposed to do, but still, it's weird to be performing a comedic character role to an audience that looks like their dog just died. Anyway, I got to my second cadenza, and the accompanist messed up, but I kept gong, never breaking character. Once it was done I felt pretty good about it. I was just hoping all of my high notes were in tune. Next, the vocal faculty picked one of my two other songs for me to sing. The options were "O Sleep" and "Notre Amour." They chose "Notre Amour." Now, I don't remember much of what happened during this song. I swear it was just a blur. I think I stayed in character the whole time, but I honestly don't remember. I was trying to remember to be legato and breath and have intonation, and amidst all that I just forgot to think. Well, I remember the end, because I don't think it went right. I just couldn't tell or remember if everything was in tune, but before I knew it, it was all over. The vocal faculty thanked me, and I thanked them and the accompanist while walking off the stage.
Everyone who had come out before me was smiling and raving about how great their audition went. Well.... I just didn't feel great. My mentality is that things could always be better, so I just couldn't feel that great about my audition. Oh well. It was over. I was honestly feeling kind of lousy as I walked out of Eastman. I expected to feel relieved and proud once I was done, but I just felt like I could have done better. However, I have had a couple of days to meditate on my performance, and I am sure I did fine. I know that I maintained my character the entire time. I also realize that the competition was probably getting to me and intimidating me. I know now that I have to be more confident about my performance before, after, and during. I have to realize that I do have talent, and so do these other gifted singers. The vocal faculty just wanted to hear us share our talents.
On the way back to Charleston, I got an email from Oberlin Conservatory inviting me to a live audition. The next day, I got an email from the head of the vocal department at Oberlin saying that he really liked my prescreening recording and wanted to offer me a free lesson while I was at Oberlin. I think that was all I needed to get my confidence back up. So now I have my game face on. I leave in four days for NYU and Carnegie Mellon to audition again. Then Oberlin, Northwestern, and finally, Mannes. I just have to stay confident and healthy through these next weeks. One down, five to go!
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